“There aren’t any nice guys in this city.”

“All the good ones are taken.”

“I’m never going to find anyone.”

Have you ever recited any of these doomsday dating statements? Or have you heard your girlfriends say things like that?

I did. I heard my girlfriends say things like, “It’s so hard to meet people.” “We’re never going to meet anyone here.” The whining went on and on. Like what we were really in search of was the key to world peace, not a date.

It was exhausting. And one night, while we were out for cocktails and they were running the same old script, I challenged them.

“It’s not that hard to meet guys,” I said.

“Well, it’s not hard for you. You always talk to guys,” one BFF said.

“Right. Just walk up to them and say ‘hi’,” I said.

“I can’t do that,” they all said at once, like I was asking them to streak through the bar or something.

“What if I dared you?” I asked.

“Huh?” They stared at me.

I pointed at a guy in a baseball cap at the far end of the bar.

“What if I dared you to go and talk to that guy?”

All four of them turned and looked. The guy shifted on his barstool and pulled down his cap.

“I don’t know,” they mumbled and gulped more wine.
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/United-States/state-of-New-York.html?page=91 NY Backpage
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/United-States/Georgia/city-of-Atlanta.html?page=91  Atlanta Backpage
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/United-States/state-of-New-Jersey.html?page=91 NJ Backpage
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/United-States/Colorado/city-of-Denver.html?page=91 Denver Backpage
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/United-States/Massachusetts/city-of-Boston.html?page=91 Boston Backpage
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/North-Carolina/North-Carolina/city-of-Charlotte.html?page=91 Charlotte Backpage
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/United-States/Michigan/city-of-Grand-Rapids.html?page=91 Grand Rapids Backpage
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/United-States/Illinois/city-of-Raleigh.html?page=91 Raleigh Backpage

“Okay, what if we had a contest? Awarded some kind of prize to the winner?” You could have seen the light bulb flashing over my head at that “ah ha” moment. I began scribbling rules and points on the placemat.

For the next 10 weeks, we competed against each other to earn the most points by dating. One point for a number exchange, two when we received a text, three for a call, six for a date and an extra point for the touchdown when he called to say how amazing the date was.

Simple, right?

It is simple once you get out of your head. Once you realize that approaching someone and saying, “Hi” is not the equivalent of getting down on one knee and proposing, dating is pretty easy. Once you realize that a date is just a couple hours hanging out with someone new and not a lifetime commitment, the fear fades.

As soon as we stop convincing ourselves of all the reasons why we can’t date, we realize we can. So instead of looking at your love-life as an impossibility or insurmountable project, take it one step at a time. Start with, “Hello.”

While running your daily errands, take note of how you interact with people. When you shop for groceries, are you laser focused on produce or do you make eye contact with other shoppers? As you wait in line for morning coffee, do you check emails on your phone or do you greet the person next to you in line?

While you walk, do you look at the ground or at the people coming towards you? Do you smile at strangers?

Take note of how you naturally do or don’t interact with people. Then make it a point to increase your interactions. If you naturally focus on the sidewalk, keep your head up as you walk to work. Smile at passersby. If you already smile at passersby, say, “Good morning.” You’ll be amazed at how many people will respond with a “Good morning.”

Then keep doing it. Studies show it takes three weeks to establish a habit. As you get used to keeping your head up, smiling at strangers and saying, “hello,” your confidence will bloom. Meeting new people won’t be half as scary, because by then, you will know that nine times of out 10, when you say, “Hi,” to someone, they will say, “Hi,” back.

And as you create a happier, more confident, you, the dates will come. One “Hi,” at a time.

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Owner:
Alex Anderson
Created on:
2019-12-11
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